Monday, September 17, 2012

Eyes and Ears and Mouth and Nose

1. A friend calls this morning.

What she says: I just stopped by. You weren't there.

What I hear: Do you want to have coffee? I'll be right there.

So I respond: Sounds Good.

And hang up the phone on her.

2. This reminds me of a problem I've had with my cell phone, admittedly the cheapest and now surely one of the oldest in the history of cell phones. The dinosaur records minutes. I look down at the micro-screen and read, "428 minutes, Kel."

I thought that Dave, who generously handles all our techno-issues, had personalized my menu and added the name Kel. Sort of sweet, you know.

After years of viewing this message, I finally looked at while wearing my glasses and discovered that it actually reads "428 minutes left."

Left, Kel - what forty-eight -year-old woman can tell the difference? And does it really matter?

3. These day I have fewer problems of this variety because I have my glasses with me at all times. I tired of going to the grocery store and wondering if I were about to pay $7.92 per pound or $1.78 per pound. Life's full of gambles, but I'd rather place a wager on something more interesting than ground chuck.

Now my principle struggle is in the shower where, understandably, I do not stow a spare pair of specs. While staying at Dave' s parents, I held a plastic bottle as far as my short arms could reach trying in vain to decipher whether the label read conditioner or shampoo. Eventually I decided to live dangerously and just guess.

I have the same issue with shaving my legs. Now, rather than looking to see if I need to shave, I just shave.

4. Meanwhile back to ears . . .  I've just picked up John from school because his left ear is stuffed with green Playdoh that seems to be migrating brainward. The classroom, he informed the principal, was getting a little loud for his liking. His pediatrician was very sympathetic to John's attempt to muffle unwanted noise, but recommended he try ear plugs instead. After a fair amount of poking and prodding followed by a lavage rinse, I think John just may follow the doctor's orders the next time his classmates get on his nerves.

For the moment John is all about safety, walking around the house offering pearls of wisdom like: Never put sausage up your nose.

Sound advice, that.

5. And finally, on the issue of mouths . . .  My precious, darling girl now has one of the loud variety. Oh, does she have a shriek and do we ever get enough of it! Some kids pull out all the stops at two; Clearly, Ainsley was saving it up for age three.

Loud or soft, there's nothing like the voice of a three-year-old. "Oh, my stickers! They rip did," she tells me.  "Oh, the bathtub! You cool off did it!"  "Daddy's not here. He go did."

Did -- the all-purpose suffix that converts the present tense into the past tense without all that pesky conjugating.

I love it.


Anonymous said...

I laugh did! I shave did like that too!

Anonymous said...

Dear John, (#4). I know the feeling. :-). Sometimes I want to plug my ears too...l never thought to use playdoh though. Genius. -avila's mom holly