Career Options

It's a shame to be a mere three years old and have to face the fact that certain careers fields are simply not an option. But let's just state the obvious: John will never make it as a spy.

His face reads like a book. If he's purloined his brother's stash of chocolate or absconded with some sharp and breakable object from Dad's dresser, he might as well post it on Facebook.

The first hint of foul play has to do with location. See John under the dining room table? He's up to no good. Hiding behind the living room chair? Take stock of your valuables. I see a shrouded figure huddled in the corner and wonder if I'll have enough semi-sweet chips to glaze my cheesecake.

He used to climb behind the kitchen bar stools. They are taking a long breather in the attic as they were tall enough to make the entire kitchen accessible to one John Patrick and wobbly enough to make me wonder how soon we would be headed to the ER. Out they went!


Espionage is not an option. Acting, on the other hand, could be his calling.

John had a recent check-up. His pediatrician asked if I had any concerns, and I mentioned a few challenging behaviors we are confronting on a daily basis. The doctor lifted an eyebrow and peered at John over his glasses.

There sat cherub-boy on the exam table -  smiling, swinging his legs, lisping "Hiyah, Dr. Moorwah."

The good doctor gave me a skeptical look and said, "So he has tendency to be oppostional?"

Who are you going to believe, I wanted to ask.  Me or Eddie Haskell? What can I say? Eddie's performance clearly outdid mine.

 Just hand him the Oscar.