Seven Late Takes

1. So after fourteen years of carting little boys to pre-school, I now have two little girls in tow and, let me tell you, it's another world entirely. Love those boys. Love 'em. love 'em, love 'em. But the boys never gave me flowers when I pulled up. The boys never asked, "Aunt Kelly, can we take off our shoes?" I never heard a sweet little voice whisper excitedly, "I know! Let's dance!"

Girls prattle. Day one of the carpool brought non-stop chatter. On day two they went mute on me. I leaned back and asked if they were okay. Everybody got a pulse back there?

This.never.happened.with.boys.

Never.

On day one last year, I got a phone call and a rather colorful account of the language skills John had demonstrated during the fifteen drive. Two words capture it all: Shrek Two. Note to self: If you don't want you're four-year-old singing "I'm too sexy for this shirt", don't let Shrek cross the threshold.


2. After I bobbed Ainsley's hair, and we watched To Kill a Mockingbird, Dave began calling her Scout and told me I should put her in overalls.

She doesn't like being called Scout, but she loves her "olivers," as she calls them.

"Do you like my olivers," she asked the boys.

"They're not ollivers," Tim told her. "They're called Jerry Germanns."

We laughed hard. Jerry Germann is a dear friend who is helping the ninth graders learn to garden as part of an amazing class called Life Skills. Jerry likes to wear olivers.

3. Ainsley has discovered the thrill of talkie walkies, as the little people call them. "Hello, hello," I hear her say. "Can you coffee me? Can you coffee me?"

4. My friend is trying hard to make me love Costco. I've got to say they have awfully nice produce, their meat prices are very competitive, and I love, love, love those samples.

But massive boxes of cereal? It really doesn't matter how cheap it is. It just won't fit. This reminds me of a time about twenty years ago when my friend put a college-aged guy in charge of buying food for a two day retreat. He went to Sam's Club, and my friend, I believe, is still using the mustard he purchased.

A friend suggested I take my double box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, put it in the middle of the kitchen, and call it an island.

It's about the right size.

5. I baked pumpkin muffins for a birthday party this morning. Ainsley spotted a muffin and asked, "Are we going to pat it and mark it with an A?"

6. A visit to the library is long overdue (or at least the books are). Gosh, I hope they don't name a wing after me.

We just read Did the Greeks Really Use a Trojan Horse? The answer? Maybe. This led to a lengthy discussion concerning the Titans and the Olympians. Tim regaled us with the story of Cronus marrying Rhea and then eating each of their children shortly after birth so that none of them could fulfill the prophecy that said the children would one day overthrow their father.

Rhea, clever woman, offered Cronos a rock rather than their youngest son, Zeus. Zeus eventually fed his father wine mixed with mustard, and dear old Dad vomited up the rest of the fam who were all remarkably well for having spent two decades swimming in Dad's stomach acid. Zeus, a chip off the old block, swallowed his wife for the same reason his father swallowed the kids.

Kolbe, mesmerized by the whole tawdry affair, yelled, "Hey Bill, have you seen my sandwich?"

"Son, I am your sandwich."

Kids.

You endure knock knock jokes and  potty humor ad nauseam, and one day they're making literary jokes that really are clever.

7. "Tim," John asks in his most pathetic voice, "would you punch Kolbe for me?" Sadly, Tim complied.

Hurry over to Jen's and add your Quick Takes.