Tuesday, June 12, 2012

On Sixteen Ounce Sodas and Sidewalk Chalk

This just in . . .

CNN reports that a homeowners' association in Stapleton, Colorado, is considering a ban on -- Are you ready for this? -- sidewalk chalk. Yes, sidewalk chalk. I am not even making this up. Calling sidewalk chalk "offensive and distracting," the association will mull over this pressing issue and put it to a vote.

Years ago, when news of the Octomom hit the headlines, the press quickly honed in on the fact that this woman already had six children. Reporters began to explore the question of whether she could care for them. Over and over again, newscasts ran footage of her front yard. And do you know what it showed?

Cue ominous music . . .

A big wheel on the lawn.

Take a deep breath. Grab a paper bag if you're hyperventilating.

Yes, this woman had a big wheel on her front lawn.The house itself was non-descript; you might even call it ugly. But not run down. No knee-high grass. No broken windows. No trash. Just an unattractive house with a big wheel on the front lawn.

Please do not take this as an endorsement of the Octomom and her choices; it is not. But if having a big wheel on the front lawn of an unattractive but otherwise livable house is a crime, just call the department of family and children's services on us.  At this very moment there's a bike sitting in front of our shed. In fact, it's laying on the ground. And it's been there for two days! In the rain!

You probably need to report a few of my neighbors, too.

Meanwhile the mayor of New York came under fire for considering a ban on soft drinks over sixteen ounces. (He then went on to celebrate Donut Day, much to the delight of his opponents).

Coca-cola, clearly having a dog in this fight, issued the following statement:

      The people of New York City are much smarter than the New York City Health Department
      believes. New Yorkers expect and deserve better than this. They can make their own choices
      about the beverages they purchase.


Think of the work hours invested in debating sidewalk chalk, the memos all a flyin' over soft drinks, the film wasted getting a close up shot of that incendiary big wheel.

Really, is there nothing better we could do with our time?

As for me, I think I'll hop over to the Dollar Tree and pick up some sidewalk chalk.


Anonymous said...

Kelly, you'd better stock up on sidewalk chalk before it's too late! :) And grab a bunch for us, too! Lawrence, Michael, and Elizabeth love drawing with it, and Catherine...well, she loves to eat it! ~Laura A.

Anonymous said...

Outlawing pavement chalk? Completely daft!

Anonymous said...

Oh and will they ban that scene in Mary Poppins now???