Saturday, May 19, 2012

Not a Stepford Wife

You don't want to advertise the fact that your husband has been out of town.

But he has been. For three of the past four weeks. Six states away. In and around Las Vegas.

He comes home tomorrow.

Here are my reflections on his absence:

1. He does so much more around here than I ever give him credit for.

2. When the little people pull into the driveway, they spy his truck and yell, "Daddy's home!" When John heard a car in the driveway, he yelled, "Daddy's home!" When Ainsley heard someone at the front door around dinner time, she yelled, "Daddy's home!"

We need not worry about Dave's bond with the children.

3. I've noticed this trend before: I cook for Dave; I clean for me. Since he's never been gone this long, we didn't subsist on waffles and eggs, but let's just say, I keep it simple. The whole meat, veg, starch thing? Not happening every night around here. If we have spaghetti, we have spaghetti. No salad. No bread. When we have mac and cheese, it's mac and cheese. We've eaten a ton of cereal -- it's fortified, you know. I've pushed the fruit here or there and been mighty generous with the multi-vitamins. I've played enough Oregon Trail to realize this is the quick road to scurvy that could mar our pristine dental record if carried too far.

4. When your husband is gone long enough, it becomes the new normal. To a certain degree, you get used to it. I understand just a bit of what military wives go through.

5. I pay none of the bills. All the accounts are password protected and, while I know how to access the passwords, it's all a pain in the tookus and eventually we'd lose some major utility out of sheer inertia if this went on for much longer. I am remarkably (and voluntarily) ignorant of many of the details of house and finances, though because of our recent AC problem, I am now clear on what runs on gas and what runs on electricity.

I've had two salesmen (a cable guy and a natural gas vendor) knock on the door with some amazing offer. When I was vague about our current service, I totally got the "Oh, don't worry your pretty little head about that. When will your husband be home?" routine. Okay, so they didn't call me Little Lady or refer to Dave as the Man of the House, but puh-lease. Believe me, you won't sell much with that kind of attitude. Yes, we have our little areas of responsibility and it doesn't all fall along gender lines and I could go on and on about issues related to intelligence, but I'll just cut my bad self off right here.

If you see me on the front lawn burning a bra, you'll know why.

(And just so I don't appear to be a total Stepford Wife, I handled 100% of our finances until John or Kolbe was born. I am not ashamed to say Dave is much more detail oriented than I am and does a far better job than I ever did.)

6. Betty Beguiles issued a challenge a few weeks back: Spruce up your bedroom attire. She wasn't getting all R-rated about the whole affair. She rightly pointed out that here, as in most areas of life, a little effort could be in order.

For me, I realize there's something between army sweats and the lacy stuff. So I went shopping. The fact that I'm posting this after my husband has been gone for two weeks is just now seeming a tiny bit tawdry or maybe just TMI.

(And this on the heels of #5 must have you thoroughly convinced I'm a Stepford Wife).

7. So I used a axe while Dave was gone, but this must leave you thinking I don't use an axe while he's here, and you'd be right.

Stepford Wife!

8. I sent ten of his shirts to cleaners yesterday. Not a Stepford Wife! But does a non-Stepford Wife make her husband take his own shirts to the cleaners? What if he's been in Las Vegas for two weeks?

9. I expect he'll fix clock which, believe me, I do not intend to worry my pretty little head about. Stepford Wife!

10. I miss him terribly and can't wait to see him. (And it's not due to a metal plate in my head. Not a Stepford Wife!)


Janet said...

Kelly, you have been a real trooper these past three weeks! I'm glad your single parenting days are coming to an end soon!

Kelly said...

Amen, sister!

Kris said...

I laughed so hard at #3! I am one of those military wives, and when my husband has been deployed, I have conversations with myself and my children that include phrases such as "tell me the last day this week that you ate some sort of vegetable" and "ketchup is a vegetable, right?!" I love to cook, and we eat very well normally around here, but it's a little hard to be motivated by the minimalistic palates of 4 boys who would happily subsist on frozen pizza and burgers for most of their natural born lives. My husband is most appreciative of my cooking, so I definitely do it for him! His last deployment was 15 months. I totally get this entire post!!